Last night we watched Alec Baldwin’s tour de force SNL skit Schweddy Balls. I wanted to post the video on my blog, but I can’t get Hulu and WordPress to make nice, so it’s just not happening. The skit first ran in December 1998 and honestly it’s just as hilarious today. Because really, what’s funnier than talking about balls?
Here’s your daily dose of nasty Santa:
Is there a better embodiment of the spirit of Christmas?
We watched Julie & Julia last night (on our NEW TV!) and it was lovely. Meryl Streep is amazing, and the food was a solid co-star. Julie Powell wrote the original Julie & Julia blog, which got her a book deal, which got her a movie deal. And now she has another book out.
I don’t want to cook my way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking over the course of a year (thought I’d happily eat my way through it). But I do want a book deal, and certainly a movie deal. I’d let Amy Adams play me any day of the week. Soooo, how to catapult my blog to stardom? I guess I need some sort of gimmick. Something that resonates with millions of people. Something that cuts through the blogosphere and shines so brightly people confuse it for gold. Which makes them want to throw money at me.
So let me know if you have any ideas. Until then I guess I’ll just stick with nasty Santas.
More than anything, I'm confused by the double beard action.
We live in a beautiful world. Life is an amazing gift, and there is so much beauty around us. There is also a lot of sorrow. When you hear that a child has a serious illness, it’s sort of like a clock stopping. You think of the kid and his parents and family and their fear and their bravery and your heart catches in your chest.
Chance, genetics, bad luck. There’s no answer. I cannot think of anything less fair than a child suffering. I cannot begin to fathom how it would feel if my child were sick. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen a friend – when you find out their little boy is ill you want, and need to help. You need them to know they have your love, your prayers, your support in this world.
I’m not a neighbor who can stop by with banana bread or a lasagna. I can’t offer to clean the house or run errands or share a glass bottle of wine and let Mom and Dad vent because sometimes life is just so fucking unfair, if that’s what they need to do.
But I can send my support, and I ask everyone I know to put their prayers and positive thoughts into the world for a little boy named Jack who is going to be just fine, but who has a tough road ahead of him.
I’m not trying to claim some sort of badge for this. A friend from high school has a sick child. I’ve never met him, and I don’t pretend that I hurt like his family and friends hurt. But someone I care about needs as much strength as she can get her hands on right now, and for the next three years. I guess by writing this I hope I’m helping in some small way.
Honestly, I don’t have much except the skeevy Santa photo. Today’s photo is a stock image, which means it’s owned by a company that sells it to publications, websites, etc. for use. I have plumbed the depths of my brain and have yet to think of a situation in which anyone would elect, or need, to use this photo. What does it illustrate? What message is it sending? WTF?
Is this what happens when you're on Santa's naughty list?
It's not too late to get that special someone a Bundler! Guys, you can toss your gal in the air or try some Greco-Roman wrestling (or whatever they're doing in the upper right hand corner)! The best part? You can do this all while having a neatly cinched waist thanks to the lovely rope belt.
So many good things started on sidewalks all around big cities! I can't tell you how sad I am that we'll never know the identity of the favored dancing star on page 2.
Today's nasty Santa is an oldie but a goodie. Sadly, this image almost always comes to mind when I think of Santa Claus. It doesn't help that I used this image as a holiday card a few years ago.
Right now I’m in limbo with so many things. There are changes concerning my employment status on the horizon, but I don’t have a timeline. Some people want to meet with me to talk about a potential new employment status, but I’m waiting for them to get back to me with the whens and wheres. I’m working on a new venture with a new business partner, but we’re waiting until January to kick off the new business. Hell, I’m even waiting to hear back from the mechanic so I know when I can take my car in for an oil change.
Three of the four items (everything but the new venture) are out of my control. This drives me insane. I need action. I need to make a list, I need to get things done. It makes me nervous to leave my fate in someone else’s hands, even if that sliver of fate is as minor as an oil change.
On a completely unrelated note, let’s start celebrating the season with skeevy Santas:
No way am I sitting on this Santa's lap.
I wasn't aware that Denim Jackets is a proper noun. But after reading this ad I realized that there are a great deal of things that I wasn't aware of.
Remember Sucrets? I hadn't seen them or thought of them in years. I ran across the new-and-improved version when looking for something to soothe my (internet diagnosed) strep throat. And they worked. Guess what else? They also help relieve the extraordinary sinus pressure I'm now enduring. Bonus: they're the only thing that combats the nasty poop breath that comes with having to breathe through one's mouth for five days. Also, I think I have to state for the official record that I have no affiliation with Sucrets. That doesn't mean I'm not open to one, though. Call me, Sucrets. Let's hook something up.
Today’s drive into work took 40 minutes instead of the usual 15. But I found a great parking spot and got into the building and was at my desk early. Then I looked at my Outlook calendar and realized I had a doctor’s appointment at 8:15. On the other side of town.
45 minutes later I was sitting in deadlocked traffic two miles away from my office and 20 years away from my appointment. After getting the runaround and making multiple phone calls (what did we DO before cell phones?) I was able to reschedule my appointment for next week. But, I still had to get out of traffic. Oh, and I had to pee. Desperately.
My best option was to just go home, which I did, then return to work. It took me over 90 minutes to go less than ten miles roundtrip today. Maybe if I lived in LA this would be acceptable. In Madison, not so much.
And a billion other little things happened once I got back to work, like noticing a (few) water stains on my shirt. WTF? It was too dim in my closet this morning to see them, I guess. And I may have an impromptu meeting with some important work-type people today, so I’d really make a dazzling impression. My internet-diagnosed strep throat has simmered down to a headcold, which is just irritating. So I’m on edge today and crabbier than usual. And so it goes….
One bright side – I stopped and got gas on the way back to work. Honestly, that’s the highlight of my day thus far – taking care of an errand without going out of my way. It’s going to have to do for now.
You may have heard something about a winter storm attacking the midwest. Madison is one of its many victims, and we're celebrating a rare snow day. Above you can see the view from our building - my car is buried in there somewhere.
The trees across the street couldn't handle the weight of the snow.
The view up our street.
The capitol building.
The prettiest part of winter - the snow in the trees. I could have taken a million pictures just like this one.
I walked to Monona Terrace with hopes of getting a view of the lake. This was in my way.
