my book of common irritants, vol. 1

Despite the recent warm front, it is  November, and I live in Wisconsin. Yes, I live in southern Wisconsin, but the state still borders Canada. So you can see why I’m so frustrated with the girl who wears open-toed shoes and an above-the-knee skirt to work (with bare legs, natch), and complains all day because she is “freeeeeeezing.”

“I’m going to ask facilities to turn up the heat! It’s soooo cold in here!” First off, dear girl, if you make one move towards that thermostat I will take you down. It’s already womb-warm in here, and I fight the urge to curl into a napping ball most of the day. I’m sorry you didn’t get the memo that wearing peep-toe -slingbacks to work when they’re playing Christmas music on WOLX wasn’t a good idea, but the temperature needs to stay where it is. Secondly, I’m all for fashion, but where exactly do you think you’re going today? Your little cap-sleeved top and twill skirt with the rear vent uptohere are cute and all, were it July and maybe you were going to a bar. And it’s great that you got a pedicure, but wearing shoes that allow the world to see your feet on a morning when it’s 32 degrees as you leave the house is just not savvy.  That’s probably why you wore that heavy winter coat to work. You know, the puffy one that doesn’t match your outfit at all? Now please wrap it around your legs, sit down, and get back to work.

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