If I’m wearing a white (or close to white) shirt and I come within five feet of a pen, I will get ink on the shirt. There are many reasons I don’t wear white pants, but I guarantee you that if I did, I would spontaneously get my period.

I spill on myself four out of five times while eating or drinking, no matter how careful I am.

Most of the time, while washing my hands or dishes, I will figure out a way to spray water all over my shirt, and sometimes my pants. It doesn’t matter what sink I’m at or how hard the stream of water is.

Today I looked down at my sweater and found a small hole where I snagged it on something. I’ve lost more than one good sweater by snagging it on a zipper. It’s hard for me to keep mittens or gloves because they usually end up with a hole in them within a few weeks. Unless they are very cheap fleece gloves from Walgreens. Then they last forever.

I inherited a trait from my mother and grandmother (nothing to do with aging – it started when I was a kid) which causes me to momentarily forget the name(s) of anyone I’m talking to. And call people by the wrong name(s) even though I know who they are. And then stumble over their name(s) until we’re both embarrassed. Then I’ll get the name(s) right, but have the same problem a few minutes later. And so on.

I almost always have to belch and/or fart when sequestered in a healthcare professional’s office. Or on a job interview.

I have been known to fall down while crossing a dry, clean street in the middle of the day (yes, more than once). Completely sober. Sadly, this was even captured on video during a trip to Amsterdam.

BUT – I have never, ever lost my car keys. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.


2 thoughts on “grace.

  1. I too have never lost my keys, but I certainly share all those other problems. You made me laugh out loud, which is never nice in the office. Shame on you Marty!

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