yes, I said cake.

I had two pieces of chocolate cake for dinner last night. To be fair, it was sheet cake. That’s like having one piece of layer cake. And it was organic. And good.

I should probably make a New Year’s resolution to eat cake every day. So I’d obsess about it for a while and then maybe eat cake once or twice, then forget about it for the rest of the year. In fact, I’d probably feel so much pressure to eat cake I’d do the exact opposite and frantically exercise and munch carrots until I couldn’t even think about eating cake without sobbing and feeling guilty. I’m sure that’s how that scenario would play out. Really.

It’s been said that a goal without a plan is just a wish. I think that’s true of my resolutions and hopes for 2010 – right now I have a lot of wishes. I have a million nebulous ideas floating around in my mind, but I’m afraid to write them down and plot them out. Because I don’t want to fail. Again. And that’s my big problem, truthfully; I have to stop looking at not getting to the finish line immediate as a failure. Clichéd but true, I need to look at life as a marathon, not a sprint. I read last night that one of our biggest problems as Americans is that we have a weird need to win all of the time, and our ideas of winning are sort of warped. I spend so much of my time lamenting that I’m not in first place that I forget I have blinders on and I’m missing so much, including a kick ass view and alternate routes. (See, I told you there were clichés here.) I need to change that. Hey, 2010 resolution #1!

Anyway, the next three weeks are going to be strange and interesting for me. I am winding down my job (in case you haven’t heard, I was laid off) and I’m really not as upset as one might think. I have one interview lined up, and while I’m pretty sure I’d be good at the job, I don’t know if I WANT the job. Because I’ve been wanting to break out of my little life rut for a long time now. And my friend Katy and I have an actual business plan to make some good stuff happen in 2010. It’s going to take a lot of work, but she’s a spit fire and I know we can make a serious go of it. But I don’t want to be poor and I don’t want to be scared and I sure as hell don’t want to be uninsured.

Yeah. So I have a few things to figure out. Fortunately I have little else to do with my days over the next three weeks. And I have made one plan that kicks into action tonight: I’ve asked Jason to teach me how to play cards. I only really know how to play Texas Hold ‘Em and Gin Rummy, so there’s a lot for me to learn. I think some of the rest of it will sort itself out.

Get over here, you big beautiful bastard. You're all mine.


One thought on “yes, I said cake.

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